The Soundtrack

I swear I think I'd live a better life to a soundtrack. I paint myself over with a, "Don't fuck with me," brush. Then one of  Matthew Goodband's songs from the 90's plays and I suddenly feel more compassionate, more melancholic but still dreamy. I tell myself that life is good despite all the bad.

I recall my University days as I cross the street at Harbord. I want to run as the music reaches its climax. I soar. I do a little dance as I pick up speed. It feels exhilarating. The trees are talking. They notice me. I notice them. We're in this together. I'm not shutting the world out. I'm only shutting out the senseless noise. Because the 'noise' in my ears right now is music. And we understand eachother. 

The wind roars a touch more like it's syncing with the beat of this new song I've never heard before. It's slightly more demanding...this song. I'm blending with the scenery now. I'm a bird in the sky. I'm taking off my clothes in my mind. My hair blows every which way. You can't see my eyes but I can see you. 

I'm powerful as I walk to the beat of the drum, my heart, the rhythm and pull of the sun. Who can stop me now? The sound of a woman's voice takes over. It's soft but direct. No need to yell. Her words do all the work...but in union with the music. Without the music, an element, a kind of gravitas or meaning, would be missing. The music carries the message. I hear her too. She says, "Fuck you. I'm still standing." I feel the same way. I have a spring in my step. Try to stop me, fool!

Trees look greener and taller now. That southern drawl means nothing to me if it weren't for the backdrop. Oh that backdrop...a music that flows in the veins of such a man. When he opens his mouth, you can feel the romance, the devotion, the sexiness with which he carries himself. Hope springs eternal yet again. 

The buds come off. Was I just trying to escape reality? Do you know how hard it is to infuse music into one's own life? To access it from within? I'm afraid the reservoir is empty. People are ordering their dairy-free lattes because you know, dairy is apparently really bad for you. On the other side are two students talking about water sports...I don't care.

I'd rather keep the buds in. I love people but not that much, only one on one. In general, most people are lame. We haven't evolved much. 

There's hope when I'm listening to music. There's hope. I'm human again. I'm.a super being. I belong to the stars. I'm made up of stars. I can feel it. When I turn off the music, the world's upside down again. It feels all wrong...the things people do, the things we pursue, the yhings we've made our gods. It's just nonsense. Just more dust to return to the earth after we're incinerated because of a lack of real substance. Do you know how sad that is? Probably not. You're consumed by all the wrong things. It takes lifetimes to peel away at that onion...

So, I'll sit here and wait and observe in my usual way. I'll ensure I'm anchored good and strong. Fuck you and your bullshit. It's not enough to be told we're made of stars. You have to know it. But who cares to really know that? 

I do. I care. Keep your inauthentic self away from my orbit. I'll devour you whole. 

Because I know I'm made up of stars...