Empty spaces

I say something nasty to him. I defend myself and then walk away, as fast as possible to the other end of the building. I know this building well. I've been in it so many times. I know where all the stairs are, where they lead to. I know every passage way, every exit sign. He doesn't.

But, I expect the impossible. I expect him to come for me. I expect him to find me. I doubt he even got up to follow me.

I notice a statuette of Mary on the floor behind a glass room. That's where I'll go, I think. That's where I'll sit. That's where I'll wait for him. When I finally find a little spot on the floor, I look through the glass wall, but I don't see Mary anymore. To my left is a small shrine. I see Buddha and other symbols that comfort me, for a moment.

Someone inside the room draws the curtains. Now, I can't see anything. Then I realize, there's a class of small children learning a new language. I'm guessing.

I feel out of place. And, he never arrives. I stare at the grey carpet. I notice white walls, everywhere. I don't like this place. It feels cold. I feel cold. I feel lost. I feel disconnected. I feel alone. It's always the same thing, day in and day out. There's no colour here. Where's the colour...the colour of my life? My Soul? Is this all I'm made up of? Even Mary didn't linger here for too long...

Truths & Lies

I grab for some tissue as fast as I can to wipe off the blood trickling down my leg. The blood gets everywhere. I only have a few pieces of tissue - small squares. It reminds me of Cuba, when I headed for the lady's room and a man outside guarding the door gave me two pieces of toilet paper for a small fee...I panic. I wonder where the blood is coming from because now I see droplets over my dress. I move the fabric to the side to avoid the blood touching and staining my dress...my navy blue dress. I think how I'm more worried about the possibility of my dress getting stained than the blood on my body running down my leg...

There's no more paper. And, no one's around to help. I keep wiping but I only spread the blood. I see three women in the distance. I feel like they can see me but they don't move towards me. They just stare.

I think of him now, as I wipe desperately. I'm wiping my shoe, my grey ankle boot. I don't know why I bother. I'm only making things worse.

Now, I see his vehicle. I remember wiping down his vehicle clean...being sure to remove every spot so it shone nicely in the sunlight. His car is definitely clean...but, I'm not. I'm full of spots and he's not around to help me remove them...

What do I do? I just sit there. No wait. I find a quiet space, away from the window. I need some privacy. I need some alone time. I am alone.  I take off my clothes. It's too late to salvage these garments now. I set them aside. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I walk past one of the rooms in this large house. I can't find the washroom. Where's the washroom?

Finally. I enter the space like it's a sanctuary...my sanctuary. I turn on the faucet and get inside the tub. I draw the curtains. The water feels good on my skin. I'm taken aback by how red my blood is. Wow. I see the opening. I see where the blood is coming from. I understand. I understand. It's all making sense. I feel a little faint but I'll be okay.

The water cleanses me whole and I smile. I smile. I'm perfectly fine all on my own. I look at my body as though it was the first time. Today, I like my body. I think I had it wrong before. My astral body houses my physical body and not the other way around...

I'm free. I'm free. Free to love again. I've always been free to love. Who's going to take that away from me? No one. Certainly, not me.