Knight Of Swords

You and I sit together side by side at some social gathering. I know this is a dream though. It feels fuzzy, warm and surreal. I see oranges, yellows and reds. The tables are adorned with glasses and centerpieces, plates and cutlery.

There's an element of fluidity to this scene. You're new to me and I, to you. Yet, there's familiarity and we can't explain the why or how of it.

I feel so good and it feels so right, sitting next to you at this place of celebration. I'm called to another area in the room and I feel anxious about it because it pulls me away from time with you.

When I return to the table, I see you're no longer there. I imagine you've left me a note, something that would signal your affection for me or that proves you care for me.

In my mind's eye, it's a note written on a small piece of baby pink paper. But, I know men are not like women at all. There is no note. I figure you're not sentimental like that. Yet, a sinking feeling tells me you were never 'there' with me. It was only ever me...feeling...and guessing.

You're gone this time. For good. 

You're the knight of swords not circling back...

Fool

What a fool. He doesn't know me well enough and never will. The way he talks while his body betrays him with all of that machismo bouncing off the walls? He must think it's impressive. It isn't.

He's just a man. Just another man saying and doing what's already been said and done. There's nothing alluring about that. Or him and his money...and house in the suburbs. There's a reason I never married my father.

All that bravado disguised as self-confidence and a high self-esteem, is a mighty turn off. I'm not that woman. I'll never be that woman. I see through the banter. You can't lure me in with your words or gaze. You don't have what I need or what I want.

I already have it all, fool.

Stay in your corner of the world. Don't ask about me. Don't throw your wife under the bus. Or tell me what a great man and father you are. Or how you understand relationships. I won't let you feel good about yourself at my expense. N. E. V. E. R.

I'm the gold at the end of the rainbow. Your silly games don't interest me. There's a price to pay for the things we want. There's also a price to pay when you don't want to buy. You don't want to buy and I was never for sale.

So, come and visit. Hope to see me. Hope to speak with me. Hope to paint yourself in a manly light. I'm already gone like I was never there.

Thanks for giving me a head start.