Saturday, April 27, 2024

Round And Round It Goes

In one hundred years, there will all be new faces. Talk about the world starting with a clean slate every century, like clock work. What a relief. Because I don't know about you, except for a 'few' humans, we can be lame and obnoxious.

I detest lame and obnoxious because that's deemed normal these days. Average. I don't know how the universe tolerates us. Maybe for the large part, we go unnoticed because of our smallness. 

We say a lot and yet, say nothing. If anything, we demonstrate our faults and weaknesses...all those things we'll never rise above or overcome not because we can't but because we've decided not to. 

I can't stand some in their role. How the young compliment the young. How it's groundhog day to those who know you, who've served you time and time again...and still, you're a nobody in their eyes...unworthy of a proper hello. Please. They're going to get old and ugly, too. They just don't know it yet. And then, blink, there they are! Now I know why I stop frequenting some places in the neighbourhood. They lack real depth.

Saturday, April 13, 2024

J.J. Muggs

I remember that night when we all sat together at the corner of Albany Avenue and Bloor St., eating dinner together. I can't recall what I ate but I know who was at the table.

It's now a cannabis shop. Before that, a cafe. We didn't have cell phones back then to memorialize a gathering. And we didn't think of taking cameras with us to record something so natural and daily...and uneventful. It's a snapshot in time...only in my mind.

We were young and free, filled with hope.

Now, it's nothing but nostalgia for a comfort long gone. A comfort I've come to realize in hindsight.

Where are you now? Still in the city watching the river? 

Across the street used to be a Second Cup. After that, PiCo. That has since gone out of business, too. But, for me, it will always be the Second Cup where you and I had a tea outside and I shared with you my dreams of Cobain, during a summer night.

Next door was where we'd build magick out of ourselves. But that grew weird, eventually.

I'll never forget those days or nights when we listened to grunge bands and gobbled up books about Metaphysics and Astral projection. 

And then in the blink of an eye, we grew up. 

I don't like who we are now. Just like the hippies who became family men. Or rather, business men. And the women, power hungry to become like men. Why would you want to climb that ladder?! Forge your own paths!

I hope I morph into someone I used to be proud of very soon. Oh wait a minute - I did! I am! Proud...

Thank goodness for my husband. After some heartache and heartbreak, I closed the door to you and the past. I never thought that there could ever be anyone in this world who gets me the way my husband does. 

We forged our own path and not completely in a traditional sense. Which, makes me smile. We still manage to do things our own way. Though, at times, I still struggle against my father's influence. May I grow up soon - in ways that matter. And not too fast - in ways that take me away from the beauty of this life!

And it is done.

Friday, April 5, 2024

The Lovers II

When I heard you say those words, I knew then I was in real trouble. If only I could put into words this feeling of disappointment on the one hand, and pure excitement on the other, you'd see how I'm experiencing both a blessing and a burden, simultaneously. 

I want that taste so badly. Before I'm old, tethered and fully gray.

We talk about saving like it's some kind of cliche. It isn't. It isn't. It just isn't. Too bad for me. No one's coming for me. You won't. You can't. And...well, you're just another man among men. I'm not just another woman among women. You have to understand that. I have to make you see. 

I think I may have...

Which saddens me to the core. These silly games we play to test the waters because being vulnerable is too high a price to pay.

You said that I just have to change something. The words rolled off your tongue like nothing. But, you're all fools. You think Happiness is King. That's the ultimate lie. The ultimate deception. Show me the grass is greener on the other side and still I won't budge...even though I might want to. Don't you get it? I push you away because you're wanted and I can't have that. 

I'm aware our time is winding down. I test you to see something in you I believe is there. And then I remember're just a man among many men.

What am I supposed to do with this? What can I do? But write and weave stories together with my dreams. I tune out the sound of voices in the cafe as I lose myself in the heart of my cappuccino.

When I look up and out, it's through that window again. The window in the bathroom made of stone. This castle is too big. And my personality too small to be noticed should something befall me. 

You're so grand. You could swallow me whole in no time.

Despite my quietness and inner stirrings, I have a power worth more than all the gold in the world. No one told me about this power. I stumbled upon it on the way down to the abyss many years ago.

I reach for it during times like these. As I take off my clothes and enter the tub. It's a ritual filled with magic and beauty. 

I take my mental wand and whisper words in the air...

I take my emotional wand and apply rose and pomegranate oil on my chest.

I position my body in the water out of respect to the gods, who can grant me my wish.

I do it with reverence, baby. I've been waiting for you through oceans of time. What took you so long? But then again, who are you? What are you? How dare you?

You created ripples in the water that is my life when I wasn't looking, when I had resigned myself to the ways of this life. I hate you for that. I really do.

I tried so hard to prevent this tsunami. You have to know I tried. And when the earth has shifted and the waters have settled, what will remain? Tell me. 

Will I be alone for another eternity with this dream? Or will you take me out of here?