Wednesday, March 31, 2010


I woke from a dream reaching for my headphones...

I was supposed to take the elevator up with a friend to the seventeenth floor of my building, my home. But it wasn't an elevator we were getting on, more like something we were getting into. It looked like a time capsule, diamond shaped and white. I recall feeling apprehensive about going inside, a fear of losing control or of being let go.

The vessel moves upward. I can feel the pull, like a magnet drawing us closer to our destination. My eyes are closed shut and I can't wait for the ride to be over. I try to distract myself with thoughts but it's no use. The pull gets stronger and I'm aware I'm trapped inside this thing in the air and suddenly it dawns on me that I can't quite figure out where this machine is suspended from. I sense there's nothing above but rope...I panic. Where does this rope lead to and how far does it go up? Who or what is doing this? I just want to reach the seventeenth floor and I realize there's just no floor to get off on.

This is taking too long and now I'm alone. Of course, I'm alone. I allow myself to look up. The diamond opens up to the sky as far and wide as the eye can see. I hear sounds but not from the outside. They're coming from within, from a place deep inside me, not even I can reach. I feel heavy. I'm worried the rope will snap and no one will be around to catch me. But I have faith, a certainty I'll be alright. So I keep my eyes open and look around me--to the west, the east, and the south. I know I'm enveloped by this structure and yet I can see through it. Below are trees, green valleys and streams--so beautiful. I really can't describe the beauty.

I hear a voice now that says, Watch the train. I notice the tracks to my right high above. I hear the clickity-clack of the wheels, and that haunting sound of the blowing whistle, the urgency of the air horn. I notice reds and rich browns. I want to be on that train. A real train. My heart is pulling me. But it's gone. My heart, the train. Too far gone. I'm late.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

you're such a great writer! your writing just sucked me in.

i never thought of elevators in the same breath as trains. but they both run on tracks, and it doesn't really matter, in the end, which pole of direction you're on.

love your site! i only read the first three entries, but i'm looking forward to coming back and reading more.

did you write "restlessness"? it's beautiful.