Misconceptions And Assumptions

I feel a recalibration from the way things were or thought they were. I'm such a fool. He'd be wrong. I am too open and with the wrong people. He now belongs to that category. I refuse to lose any part of me this time.

When you're dealing with ignorance, I tell myself, I can handle that. I mean, you can't help people being unaware or stupid. It's out of your control. But, to share openly with a person in the spiritual community that you've told yourself you can trust, and then having to regret letting them in - what disappointment. I can't even begin to tell you. I'm tired and I've said it all before. This isn't my first rodeo. For fuck's sake, these people are in the business of healing! 

Mark my words, and this is a vow I make with myself right here, right now. I shall never reach out to another reader again. Ever. When the student is ready, the teacher appears. Well I am the teacher now because I passed the test! 

What doesn't sit well with me is the stench of arrogance. Like I said, there could be one hundred lines on a page. But, it'll only take one to hurt you. And I'm no different. After I'd read the comment, it made me question all the exchanges that came before it. Did I say too much in my feedback? Was I too open? Did I suddenly become a client who he thought, needed therapy? I'll never know. I sent a restrained and kind reply and will never return to him for another reading. He killed the dynamic and ease I'd felt. I couldn't go back even if I wanted to. I no longer feel free and safe in it.

Readers who set the stage to make you as comfortable as possible and then indirectly throw it back in your face when they misinterpret your intent because they didn't like a question you posed - I don't understand that. Shame on them and their holier than thou attitude!

I understand transference. I, too, can read people. I just asked him his name. Actually, I did not ask directly. I mentioned that I wondered if he was the person I thought I was speaking with - after 4 months of correspondence! Totally innocent and sincere. And he decided to make it a 'thing'. 

He was lucky to have a client like me, someone willing to do the work!