Pretending

I think you're going to bail like a scared little boy. You'll tell yourself you're being honourable. But, you're not. You're not honourable. Only vulnerable. 

You'll make up some excuse about how busy you are, how something came up, how you can't get out of it. I know who you are. It's okay. Really. It's all okay. You are who you are. And I just have to accept that I was right, that I called it right from the start. You're just a guy. A guy who pretends to say something important. None of it is actually important.

How many benefits of the doubt can you give a person? 

The love of my life is in physical pain and it's only my heart that hurts. So, let it hurt, Oh Lord. I can handle it. I'll take it all in. I'll let it transform me into a beautiful person, into a more dedicated and loyal servant. 

I'll shift my focus to what's right here in front of me - my hands on compression stockings over my husband's leg, the ointment on his healing wound, the towel over his body as I help him out of the shower. Because the Lord knows that when it's all said and done, these will be the precious moments I remember with an ache in my heart, despite the fatigue and lethargy right now as I write this. I'll recall myself in a moment of joy and laughter with my beloved. The rest of it won't matter. The rest of it is history.

Like this memory of you right now. You won't matter. You'll be a fleeting thought, someone who was just passing through. Like so many others who touch our lives as they're busy making other plans. Some of us talk so much and say nothing. 

You must be one of those people..