Wednesday, September 22, 2010


What are you anyway? You and those bright eyes? I don't understand you or is it that I do...too much? Is there even such a thing?

You complicate everything, you and your words. I see how your mind turns and how your heart feels. It is because of this that I stay. But what do you do? You spill and spew your insides all over me like a storm that goes on and on and on. Why must you take the magic away from this too? You don't know how much I love storms. But not your kind.

You tell me not to worry and I wonder how you know. Is it that you sense or that finally, you are able to see how irrational you've been? Your messages are confusing. I'd say you lift me up only to let me fall but that would give you too much power so instead I will say, 'You unintentionally lift me up and then tear me down because you move in circles, fast and quick, like fire burning everything in its midst.' I am mostly air with a lot more water than my Sign suggests. I am placid and still except for my heart, which sees, hears, and feels everything and so has a tendency to react. I must use water from my cup to tame you.

Why these gifts? How can I call them gifts? From the Divine? Really? To see? For what purpose? All these snapshots, what and whom do they serve? Let me move in circles too if I may. You see, my past is filled with slow movements, with unfinished stories and poems, books that were begun and then abandoned, paintings whose strokes and colours had a desire to become something but then realized suddenly they would become nothing, relationships that had promise but were left unattended. The list is long. And since I feel the gravity and urgency of time, I will end this tangent here.

Just when I had momentum and a kind of swiftness, an electrical spark that breathes life into dreams, you come and place a wall before me. You can tease like the moon. To slow down is not an adequate solution for me. But it is for you. Hence, the dilemma. So what shall we do? What can I do? I must be patient. Let this be my lesson. I must become unaffected. Let this be another lesson so that I do not repeat these mistakes again.

If I wasn't so certain, I could run from all of this. But it is useless to look back now. I only have this moment and I will seize it and make it mine and then I will let it go so as to embrace the next one and then the next one after that and so on and so forth as it should be. As it should be. I will grow and elevate and become one with this guardian that sees and knows everything. Then I will be free. Truly free. Unhindered. Uninhibited.

Thank you for helping me see what I can be. What I am.

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