Musing Diaries

Enough time has passed for me to see tge truth as things are. If only I hadn't brushed off that initial inkling that said, "You're like the rest." Because, well, I'm not okay with average. I wouldn't be okay with less freedom. I wouldn't be okay to be in the same environment with someone who sees me as lesser than. 

I woke up at 4am with a feeling of disgust when my heart caught up to my brain. Goodness me, what was I thinking? I've taken these moments for granted. I thought, doesn't every modern woman live like this?

I let go of silly, controlling men who think every woman needs a father. I thank my ancestors for paving the way for me to be able to experience this joyful moment right here, right now.

I understand why it wasn't possible to marry an Italian man. The words, "I want to be taken care of," have never rested upon my lips, not even for a second. I grew up taking care of myself, figuring things out for myself, in the hopes that I was evolving in ways that truly matter.

A wealthy man, who's insecure, doesn't know how to woo a woman who's got her own money, especially if he's of the same cultural background and taught his whole life that the only way to win her is to 'provide'. 

What is he going to provide? Emotionally, he's stunted and dwarfed. Intellectually? Oh my, he's the basest of the base, the lowest of the low. An average man is suited for an average woman. 

He'll tell her what to do and how to think. He'll buy her things and she'll provide him with children. And these people actually believe this is what it means to live the 'good life'. 

To me, that's death. That's the pit of all that's wrong in this world. I refuse to live acvording to man's structures. He's fallible. He's duplicitous. He's a sinner. He knows not who he is and shall never become who he was truly meant to be. Not in this lifetime.