Me and Mr.Crowley again

Aleister Crowley is back. He won't leave until I get this right. I've been pondering about what to write, anything other than what is required of me now, but it is no use. I must stay with this.

He says,

It has returned. You thought you had overcome and now you see that you had not, have not. You are at a crossroads. The two of swords. You do not like this card. It speaks of choices to be made, of indecision. Do you remember our little talk?

How can I forget?

What do you not understand? What can you not see? I see that you see. You cannot hide. Wake up.

He continues.

Dry those tears. They will not help you here. I've seen your Magick but you deny. Be not what you are but become who you are. Now is the time.

Mr.Crowley, with all due respect, you are speaking to a mere mortal who does not understand the ways of this world, let alone the ways of the others. I am small and insignificant.

And so you shall remain if you should not become what the Chariot offers. Your heart fluttered when you read what I had said of faith and doubt. How faith is like a corpse and doubt, like a virgin.

I do not fully comprehend what you mean of this but yes, my heart did respond with great intrigue. I felt an opening then, like someone had rewired parts of me which allowed me to see and feel something different. Truthfully, it was like honey in my mouth.

You speak when it would be wise to remain quiet and...

Are we not conversing, you and I? Would you not deem it disrespectful for me to ignore you?

Ah, and you do not listen long enough to hear me. You misunderstand. You speak when it would be wise to remain quiet and because of this, you give everything away. Your job is to hold up the mirror to the other, only after you have held it up to yourself. By speaking, you fog up the mirror which prevents the other from seeing, which prevents you from seeing. You must develop your ability to see. Do you understand?

I'm tired Mr. Crowley.

Tired? You have not even begun yet and you are tired? Head up high. There is no time to waste. Hear me when I say this to you. There is always a price to pay for the gifts you receive. Do not be foolish. Nothing is for free. You must work for it all. The tougher it becomes, the greater opportunity for you. Then, the sun will shine but remember, the rain is not too far behind. Soon, you will see that the sun and the rain, they are the same. You say that you understand this but you do not, for if you did, you'd find no need to speak with me.

Now what? (He laughs a crazy laugh)

Take both swords, as I have said time and time again, and blend them.

Blend the swords?

Mock me all you want. It is you who are seeking help, not I. Blend the swords. You must see that they are one. You must see that there is no separation. This division you create in your mind is the root of your dilemma. Your heart sees the truth. Do not give either sword more importance over the other. Each wants dominance. You are not of this world but you must play by its rules and then transcend. It is the only way. Place these swords over the flame of life and let them melt into each other. Let them become something else, something new, like Art.

I am...

Stuck?

No. This is not it. You choose to be stuck. Because you want control. You will never overcome like this.

The Chariot is all about control.

No, the Chariot is about applied force and will, one who is certain of what must be done. You'd like for Life to decide for you. You give all of your power away. Your need to control and keep everything neat and tidy is your weakness and one that you must transform. Control leads to a place of stagnation. Applied force is something entirely different. Sometimes, one must submit to see their own strengths. You do not need to submit for you already see but pretend not to. Wake up, I say. Wake up.