Friday, June 14, 2024

Me In A Dream

The things I feel when I look at these trees, the way the leaves sparkle in the afternoon sun. The way they move as the wind passes through. I swear they're talking. I swear they're whispering the secrets of the universe. It's too bad I don't have the ears to hear. 

I know the birds are saying something, too. What are they saying? I could ask Barbatos but I daren't. My mind isn't anchored enough for such a task, an endeavour. 

I'd rather dream in this place as the angels and demons fight it all out. We can't fathom what takes place in the invisible world as we play our petty, insignificant games. As above, so below. 

It got me thinking....When things get so bad on this plane, it must be because of a war raging on the other side between the light and the dark. I used to think peace came from the elimination of evil. That was never true. It can't be true. They've always been two sides of the same coin. They exist simultaneously. There'd be nothing to strive for in a perfect world.

Here I am. Feet firmly planted. But this heart, this heart that is mine, floats between worlds. I'm shallow. I'm deep. I'm lost. I'm found again. 

I flutter in weakness on this plane when I try to belong. It wouldn't work between us...except when I'm shallow, too. When I play the game like talk of marble countertops and kitchen cabinets is super important. Or, how retirement is the goal

Then I'd grow weary when he wants to stay in that zone and gossip about how nasty and stupid people are. How he's got it all figured out. How living up north is so much better than living in the downtown core. How he's so great and such a good person.

I'll remember how death comes for all of us, how it's a fact, a mathematical certainty, how it can't be any other way...and how feelings are fleeting, how they can deceive in the moment when our lower parts are leading the way, unbeknownst to us. 

So, I stay in this little dream in the sky. I imagine how pockets of it are 'true' and I watch them slowly evaporate and become the air that carresses the leaves on the trees...

This intoxicating dream keeps me drunk with misplaced hope. It's okay. I enjoy being taken to far away places. This world of the living was made for people like me. But, since we are outnumbered, it's ruled by those who will remain forever asleep...

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