Wednesday, May 15, 2024

"Do What That Wilt Shall Be The Whole Of The Law"

When you see there's a possibility, you grab hold of it. You try to elongate or expand this potential, to bring it out so that it fills more than a singular point, but a larger perimeter, so that the walls come down and this point actually fills all that you see.

Then the moment someone tries to tear it down, you see that they can't because how can you tear down something that permeates everything and has no bounds? I am the only one who limits myself. So, I have to make this awareness count. It's got to mean something. I've got to bring this thought down and breathe life into it because this thought comes from all that is good and true. It holds promise. It holds that spark of life that is integral to my overall well-being as I navigate this thing called life. And,  I'm telling you, I'm not good at this thing called life. In fact, I'm really bad at it. I don't know how to move with that weighty feeling at my feet. 

I understand the need to anchor myself but it's got to stem from the right kind of thinking. Otherwise, these thoughts are just shackles keeping me in my place, rooted in fear. If I could take an axe to it, I would. I'd shred that feeling and that useless thought into smithereens and then burn them. Each useless thought is a granule belonging to the past, and that for some reason, still finds a way to operate in my present, preventing me from creating the person I want to become. It speaks nonsense and in someone else's voice, always in someone else's voice, which is how I know it doesn't come from me or belong to me and in no way, is a reflection of what I'm capable of. 

I need to make a vow not to let any being on this planet influence my sphere. It means that when certain words are directed at me, they are to slide off and not stick to my person, to this sacred space, to this atmosphere I have chosen to be mine and mine, alone. This place belongs to me and my muse, to my connection with that inner world which in turn is deeply connected to the quiet, magical world of all that is. I will this. I will it. I want this. I want it. I am this. I am it. I am.

I cannot in good conscience work for someone else ever again once this ship has sailed. I cannot. I won't. Let that be okay for others but it can no longer be my path. This world was set up for money makers, business men and charlatans. I am none of those things. I refuse to keep putting money in someone else's pockets while I slave away and they go off on vacation with their families. I don't belong in that space which is illusory and transient. If I could compartmentalize and tell myself this is what people do, this is just what life is all about, to suck it up, I could continue. But, I can't. It's all soul-sucking. And that would be true - soul-sucking and soul-crushing.  It's not how I want to work on myself anymore. It's time to pick up this sword and cut away these roots that are not serving me. They served me for a time. But, not anymore. I have outgrown this body.

I say this all as a chant, a chant back to myself, back to the higher that knows better than I. So that this I and this higher body become the same thing, become one, unaffected by the rattlers of this mortal world. Real change, the kind of change that lasts and transforms, comes from within. You'll never find it out there, unless 'out there' is 'in here'.

"Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law."

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